It dawned on me today whilst having a conversation with a fellow spiritual voyager (find him at Roaming Robito), that so often in life we are consumed with what we think are deep connections more often disguised as lust. Once the veneer wears off we are desperately saddened at being so utterly clueless as to what we were thinking let alone feeling.
However, there are those occasions when very often there are brief encounters with what I like to call soul mates not to be confused with soulmates. It struck me, while looking back at some interesting choices in relationships, that now I can very easily see what made “us” the farthest thing from soul mates but why is it I can never see those warning signs before choosing to embark on a relationship. There could be a few reasons for these lapses in judgement depending on what phase of life I was in A) I don’t look deep enough B) I’m lazy C) I’m just looking for that connection but wanna skip a lot of the steps D) I don’t respect my soul aka me. While all of these are totally valid reasons for me, there’s a far simpler confusion which I think has plagued me and I suspect many others.
The other day I was with a person (ok woman!) and had the most warm, fuzzy moment with her almost akin to that flutter when you spark with someone you like in a flirty manner. I was kind of taken aback and though HUH am I now a lesbian? God I can only take so many transformative experiences in the space of a 2 months. But no I am not about to inflict the female population with my dating neuroses- save that for the menfolk. What I believe happened was that just as I am tapping more into my inner self ( that soul side that for so long was lost amongst all of my noise and the external noise) two souls that are dare I say “awake” recognized one another and went I for a celestial high five. Now if this was in some smokey club or atmospheric festival and the woman was replaced with a cute male I admit I may have confused that warm connection with something of the romantic ilk. This soul mate greeting is simply a case of 2 awakened souls acknowledging one another and the resulting energy could easily be confused with sexual or romantic energy. Voila – welcome to my “Matrix of the dating world – just call me Keanu the bullets I’ve dodged”
Now it all seems so clear as to how I had gotten somewhat lost along the highway of “what the hell was I thinking”. Combine one or all of points A, B, C and D as aforementioned, mix that with a dash of “meeting with a soul mate” and LOVE punches us right in the stomach, or so we think. This soul mate energy is instead a chance convergence of two kindred spirits. As like many things, when you haven’t been in a relationship or had a physical connection with someone for a longer than normal period of time, the experience of encountering a soul mate can often be mistaken for something that we hope to find- namely love. Thus resulting in the misconception that we have found a “soulmate” and the age-old story of lust being concealed as love begins once again…
One thing to mention is that this soul mate recognition, I personally believe, is not a sign that you have met your ONE if you subscribe to such beliefs. For me, I think first of all knowing that you have the ability to see the potential for soul mate connections is just one huge step in finding a good life partner or at least a partner for a chapter of one’s life. Meeting a kindred soul is not a sign that there is a romantic connection but rather a shared energy that resonates between the two beings. Some might argue if the two awakened souls recognize one another and share energy in common wouldn’t they be a natural fit romantically? I would counter that with: just because two souls connect that doesn’t automatically qualify them for a life of romance and ever-afters. Just as two people could share a love for dogs, one may rather prefer a poodle above a pitbull – shared interests and energies do not a soulmate make.
So in summation when going forward in life and encountering those rare moments where you say “howdy soul, mate” take it for what it is and isn’t and have the wisdom and self awareness to recognize and appreciate it for just that- a moment with a rare soul and just go with it.
*disclaimer: if you think this soul mate vs soulmate debate means I know what a soulmate is for any chapter (be it a short or long chapter), you’d be wrong! But I’ll be sure to let you know as soon as I find out. One thing I am sure of is they”ll appear once I discover what my soul needs and that’s the best part of the journey.
In the meantime read this if you think there are indeed bonafide soulmates http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-carmen-harra/elements-of-a-soulmate_b_3595992.html