Hey there my friends 🙂 So it’s been almost 2 weeks since I arrived in Barcelona,Spain and I am happy to report all is well. The first stage of my journey was flying from CT to Schippol,Holland. All aboard…toot toot!
Cape Town International: I shared a very composed and all together calm Bon Voyage with my Mom – I was very proud how well mum kept it together no “snot and trane” in sight . I was also eerily calm and just kind of wandered off into the unknown of International Departures like something out of the Twilight Zone. I think the shock that fraidy-cat me was actually going through with this adventure had me slighty concussed.
So I wandered up into the waiting area dazzled by duty free thinking to myself “Oh my Fareeking hell what in the name of all that is holy am I thinking going to Spain by myself AAARGH” ( cue Celine Dion’s “All ByyyyyyMySeeeelllllffffff”). In a panicky moment I turned to my left and asked “is this the terminal to Holland?” only to have a very bubbly girl say “God I bloody hope so ” . Tessa a bubbly South African living in Scotland began giving me some tips and re-bolstered my enthusiasm about the journey to come. Namely ogling hot Spanish men. Ok breathe Tara this will all be ok …think of all the other Tessas and amazing people you will meet on your trip . This is only the first hour and look how well it’s going.
Sitting in my first ever international window seat I eagerly await take off , always the best part of flying I think. Ridiculously friendly ( somewhat creepy) KLM staff strap us in and right on time we have lift off. Good to go …
2 hours in dinner is served ( a dodgy tomato soup and waldorf salad – divine combo ) but on the plus side Tessa had given me sneaky insider tips that chocolates are stored at the back of plane ready to be consumed at anytime during the flight. I start settling in having watched some of the flight tracking over Namibia and decide in-flight movie time!
Yes and there it is “Vicky , Cristina Barcelona ” – as if to applaud my choice in destination – in all its 10 inch glory. So I’m nibbling my complimentary oat cookie and watching the inane dialogue between old Scarjo and Javier Bardem when I swear I hear screaming . Is that screaming coming from the movie? Is it a child in the back of the plane? Is it my inner wuss freaking out? No it’s none of the above. I pull out my earphones to hear a most awful shouting sound. What is going on ?
The man ( who incidentally bares a striking resemblance to Dr Blofeld from the bond movies) sitting in the row right in front of me is having some sort of episode. He’s shouting at the KLM staff . He won’t shut up . Screaming in Gallic tongues at the top of his lungs while most of the plane is sleeping. What a frigging nutcase! The poor air-hostess then starts trying to keep him quiet saying he’s scaring the other passengers. Once the geriatric frog is tamed I settle back into my introduction to Barcelona courtesy of Mr Woody Allen. Lo and behold not an hour later I suddenly smell the foulest odours wafting from the chair in front of me . You have got to be kidding me! Not only do I get to sit behind the crazy man I now get to experience his body’s reaction to the aforementioned tomato soup . Fantastic . This is international travel . Smothering my face with a scarf at 3am so I can minimise the gaseous exchanges eminating from Pepe le Pew.
I don’t like flying anymore 😦
Seriously though flying is not as much fun as I had hoped. I don’t know what I was expecting. I mean I had flown beforehand nationally -it’s always been dull. Did I really think 14 hours could be any better especially in economy for pete’s sakes ? Was I secretly thinking there would be a cabaret show to entertain me through the dark , cold hours ? My word- the tiny seats, that food , those smells. Flying is soooo overrated . However if you have to travel economy class ( which lets face- it most of us do) you couldn’t do any better than KLM. Between their cheesy grinned staff ( who I suspect are all suffering from oxygen depletion ) and the chocolates and sweeties at the back of the cabin it was great to finally experience long distance air travel. If anything the knowledge that I have to board another plane will perhaps give me the strength to stick it out in Spain for a bit longer 🙂